Log in

Feeling much more mentally engaged since coming off sertraline the other day. I felt the difference two weeks ago when I went down from 100 to 50 and my parents saw it too.

Had a rough day on Tuesday but that was mostly due to feeling poorly in the morning but making my myself go out to 1) spend some time with my mum before she went back to Sheffield and 2) visit my favourite shop. The shop turned out to have shut just a few days before and I'd missed out on a lot of cheap books and music in the last day sale. Worse was the idiots who walk past going 'ooh she's crying' when, no, I'm not actually crying. I'm feeling partly upset at seeing the best shop in town gutted, partly annoyed at losing out on a bargain (northern and/or aspergers book nerds will understand this I'm sure). I'm also trying to decide if I should wait there for my mum or go back to meet her at the cash machine.

I spend so much time on my own these days that I forget that some people out there seem to take pleasure in another's pain. This is why I never want to be like the people who dismiss someone because they're weird or different or look upset enough that a stranger on the street might notice.

It's not always easy to ask someone 'are you okay?' and you can't be sure how it would make them feel or react. It'll probably make them feel a lot better letting them overhear you laughing about them with your friends. It's okay to not say something to someone who is either having or trying to avoid having a weepy moment in public, some of us are happier to be left alone. Just don't walk behind them making comment. Either you are being nasty on purpose or you don't care if someone can overhear you from half a foot away.

There's a famous saying that starts something like "if you can't think of anything nice to say to someone..." that, last time I checked, does not end "try to make them cry more", "provoke them into a fight they can't win" or "gossip about them within earshot".

It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened but it certainly wasn't the best time to be reminded of the attitudes of people I was forced into proximity with at school, uni halls, shared houses. There's also been the year of watching powerful bullies gain more power while a lot of the genuinely good people have been dying off.

I had another couple of hours with my mum, going round other bookshops and the library and a cafe lunch. Mum had stayed over the night before so after lunch she went off for her train and I came straight home.
I did a lot of crying on Tuesday evening, partly due to what happened but a lot to do with built up upset and anxieties from the past six months.

I felt a lot better on Wednesday, having slept well and feeling a lot more positive than the day before.
Today I'm feeling fairily positive again. I feel quite tired physically but I was dealing with that before and it's easier to distract myself without the sertraline brain fog. I got a bit teary writing this but in all honesty I wasn't expecting to write this at all, especially considering it's about emotions and real life.

This in itself shows I'm already improving. I started writing this post because of four cards I pulled at random from one of my favourite tarot decks. Using my tarot cards to help me write or think through problems or ideas floating around my head is another thing that has seemed impossible these last few months.
Now I'm feeling hopeful about the end of this year and the start of the new one. :-)

This entry was originally posted at http://alicia-h.dreamwidth.org/56531.html
First Haiku
Warrior with wings
Nurtures flowers in her hands
Life rises from flames

Second Haiku
Chase after your star
The candled stag stirs the wine
Angel deals judgement

Third Haiku
Dragons' hearts are strong
Dance blind and love knowingly
And hold the child close

Warrior with wings stands in the sun
Nurtures flowers held in her hands
Living wand rises from flames
Chase your falling star while
The stag stirs the wine
Passing judgement
Dragon heart
Blind dance

Deck used: Ostara Tarot (ipad app version)
Cards drawn (one line for each):
The Sun
The Empress
Ace of Wands
The Star
King of Cups
The Lovers
Queen of Coins

This entry was originally posted at http://alicia-h.dreamwidth.org/52735.html

Writerverse Bingo Table of Doom

Revelation Don't Waste My Time You've Come Back I Never Meant To Hurt You This Is Goodbye
In the Deep Never Quite Enough Please Don't Let Me Go Bright Light Sever All My Ties
Wasted Love For You On the Shore WILD CARD (writer's choice) So Cold Running into the Dark
Till the Street Lights Came On Right Before The Rain All That I've Waited For Time Slips to Nothing Standing Still
Just Drive Empty of Anthems Courage Insecurity Falling Over

Wild Card
Criminal Minds Nonet

This entry was originally posted at http://alicia-h.dreamwidth.org/51674.html

Criminal Minds Nonet

Round table room, photos of horrors
Third murder makes it serial
Wheels up in thirty, Hotch says
Reid recites stats and facts
Present the profile
We missed something
Shock reveal

This entry was originally posted at http://alicia-h.dreamwidth.org/51421.html


Title: Angel in the Snow
Prompt: Angel in the Snow
Current/Past: Past
Word Count: 198
Rating: G
Original/Fandom: Original
Pairings (if any) the angel/the man
Warnings none
Summary: God's child, the Angel, spoke to God's other child, Man, and told him, “I'm in love. I'm in love with you."

Read more...Collapse )

Title: Dinner Date
Prompt: Dinner Date, One Night Stand
Current/Past: 2 Past
Word Count: 255
Rating: G
Original/Fandom: Fandom - Frasier
Pairings (if any) Niles/Roz
Warnings: none
Summary: “Was this an acceptable first date?” Niles asked as he poured.

“Maybe it would be if our other first date hadn't been a fake one followed by a desperate one night stand.”

Read more...Collapse )

Writerverse Quick Fic 9

Title: Struggle
Prompt: Body in the trunk
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 393
Original/Fandom:Fandom – Supernatural
Pairings (if any):Dean/Castiel
Warnings: none
Summary: The aftermath of the fight with Ephraim in Heaven Can't Wait (9.06)

Another brother dead at my hands. Another body in the trunk of the Impala. I wonder if my boss's neighbours will see him taking the body outside and how he gets away with this time after time. This is the first time I've truly pondered such mundane matters in the aftermath of slaying one of my own kind. No, not my own kind. Not anymore. Not if I want to live this human life.

And here he is, the one being in all creation still prepared to clear up my messes. I study his face as he cleans my wound with the supplies from the first aid kit he found in the cupboard under the sink. He wraps my hand in the blue bandana from his pocket. Naturally, such improvised bandages are useful in the field but I'm unsure why he uses it when the real thing is at his fingertips, sterile and disposable.

He meets my eyes. I think he's forgotten he's still pressing the bandana into my hand to stem the flow of blood. The ragged cut across my palm stings and my swelling wrist throbs. The pain of contact makes me pull away instinctively but it's not the physical pain that forces me to tear my eyes away from his.

I tell him about the baby's fever. He picks her up. He gives her a small dose of medicine. I watch him set about soothing her and lulling her to sleep as he must have done with his brother when they were both small. He calls her a precious little angel and then glances up at me.

“I was talking to the baby,” he needlessly clarifies.

“You were talking to the baby,” I echo.

I'm uncertain why this is the moment that the truth finally hits me. This is the man I love with all my essence, from my stolen grace to my brand new soul. Also the heart he helped me find. The heart which tells me I need to find the words to convince him to stay or to let me go home with him.

I'm a coward. I remain silent. I feel my legs start to tremble as I resist the urge to sit down or simply fall to the floor. Without uttering another word, we begin to wipe away all evidence of the struggle.

Writerverse: Random Madness

Title: What's On My Mind
Word Count: 1165
Original/Fandom:Fandom – Supernatural
Pairings (if any):Dean and Castiel friendship
Warnings: mentions of porn but the focus is on Dean's philosophy of porn watching etiquette
Summary: After 'Sympathy for the Devil' Dean is having trouble sleeping. His usual coping mechanisms of beer and Casa Erotica aren't helping.
Sentence:The corridor was empty.
Sentence included? Y/N: Yes

Read more...Collapse )
Child of the nineties
Harks back to earlier times
Sounds of the sixties

Latest Month

December 2016



RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Katy Towell